For the last several months I've struggled with what to write about. I've started this entry four or five times only to delete it and start over.
Our family has had some major changes, some of which have been good ... others .... not so much. But we hang in there and keep on.
I quit my job. I gave two weeks' notice, said goodbye, and left. I miss some of the people there but this was the best decision for me personally. I don't handle drama well, I can't shut my brain off to negativity, and I felt work was such a negative influx of energy that it was really affecting my home life. It hurt somewhat financially, and while sometimes I question if it was the right decision, I think our family has really benefited from it in other ways. I'm now home all the time to take care of our three boys. The two older boys have doctor appointments every week that I can now schedule and take them to without stress of conflicting with anything else. And while we didn't have the baby in daycare in the first place, I'm now home to take care of him all the time so he never has to see a babysitter. I did most of the shopping and errand-running before, but now that the weight of other things is off my shoulder, I feel more free to do those things without worry or concern.
The worst part of quitting my job isn't so much having one income, but knowing that my husband has the added stress of carrying this family's financial success on his shoulders. We've discussed a few times about me finding another job, but our relationship feels better and stronger since I am home when he is off work. In the past, we would sometimes go three or four days without seeing one another except a brief passing because he would come home from work just in time for me to leave. I'd come home at 11:30pm and he'd be in bed. I'd wake up the next morning and he'd already be at work. It was weird, living in the same house but not seeing each other for days. I didn't like it. He didn't like it. Now is definitely better.
I try to work from the home, making vinyl decals for folks or sets of cards/notecards, invitations, etc. It goes in cycles where I won't have any projects for a few weeks, and then I'll have seven all at once. It's an interesting balance for sure. It doesn't really bring in much, but it helps keep my brain busy and I enjoy it. I don't have any desire to go back to a "real job" right now. I like being even more involved with the kids, knowing what's going on every day, helping with homework, and getting to watch them grow and play and learn. It's most significant with the baby - who I really need to stop calling "the baby" because he's two years old now - but I still feel I can see it with the older two as well.
J's behaviors have greatly improved. I go to my autism support group and while I have things that I would like to change, things that I find annoying, we don't have any glaring autism-related problems right now. J still has his verbal tic. He's still clumsy. He still can't move from one topic to another. He still focuses his brain on one thing and can't transition to anything else. But we've learned how to handle those things so well that, while annoying, I don't consider them to be issues anymore. I'm sure things will come up in the future, but right now I feel we are in a really good place. (Knock on wood!)
Maybe that's why I've struggled to write lately. I don't have much to talk about. Even though I have so much to say. It's hard to find the balance between what you want to say on a public blog and what to keep off the internet. How do you know when you've said too much? What's the line? Is a toe okay to cross? A whole foot? Maybe I'll figure it out and can flesh out what to say, because it looks as though we may be adding in another acronym to our household. But only time will tell ...
