This past Sunday we went to Autism Day at the Aquarium. It was sponsored by Autism Speaks, which I know is a controversial charity amongst families who have children with autism, but this event was free. If we had gone on a normal day, to pay for all of us to get in would have cost $131.80 before tax - and that is not including Tiny because he would be free. Which basically means we wouldn't have gone because for a family of five, spending that sort of money on tickets is out of the question. Having special needs kids always comes with a host of expenses and often the fun things get pushed to the side to pay for the necessary things. So whatever the feelings over Autism Speaks, they provided us with a free day at the aquarium.
Normally the aquarium opens at 10a, but they opened two hours early for those on the autism list. It didn't mean it was less crowded, because it was a complete nut house, but what it did mean was that of all the kids who were different, no one batted an eye. The differences were so normal to everyone that we didn't feel uncomfortable.
J behaved really well. I had to reign him in a couple times when he would pace and walk in front of other people without realizing it. He has a way of touching his fingers when he feels uncomfortable and he did that the entire time, but he didn't seem too overwhelmed. He was really quiet, which happens when he is out of his comfort zone.
It was fairly noisy, but J seemed okay with it. A fair amount of kids had some sort of ear protection, like noise-canceling headphones one might wear at a shooting range. Stormy and I both wondered if those might not be a bad idea for when we go to Disney. I wonder how different J's behavior might have been if the noises weren't so overwhelming. I wonder if he would have been more energetic or animated or excited.
The vast majority of families were very friendly and accepting. If a child did something, like bump into someone, or start to have a meltdown, or refuse to get on an elevator, the parents would apologize, but everyone was extremely gracious in their responses. That's okay or I understand what it's like, you don't need to apologize.
I think you do need to apologize. You need to acknowledge that your child has done something and apologize for it because that's the polite thing to do. J walked right in front of someone and I gently pulled him back and said, "I'm sorry," to the man he walked in front of, and to J I said, "You need to remember to watch where you are walking." The man smiled and said That's okay, you don't need to apologize, but of course I did and I needed to.
So while most parents were accepting and understanding, a tiny percentage did not apologize for their kids, let them run around, and did nothing to either curb the behaviors or even apologize when those behaviors negatively impacted those around them. One child knocked into me so hard that I had to take a step to right myself. I wasn't angry or upset, but the mom just shrugged and ignored it and said nothing to me whatsoever. I saw enough of this that it made me wonder - are these kids' behaviors worse than my own ASD child because they have a more severe form of autism, or are these kids' behaviors worse because their parents use the ASD as an excuse and don't try to stop the negative behaviors?
The positives in the experience vastly outweighed the negatives. It was also the first time I had done anything like this. Normally I would not have signed up for an autism day or accepted free tickets, but it was nice to be able to go with the whole family and have everyone participate in something that we may not have been able to do otherwise.
Mostly I left feeling pretty good - good that the older boys were able to have fun and have fun at something they could both really enjoy and good that the entire experience was so positive. I didn't have any feelings of stress because I knew that if J had any sort of episode or negative reactions to anything in the aquarium that those around us would understand. No one would stop and stare and wonder what was wrong with my kid, because what is wrong with my kid is what is wrong with their kid, so there was an air of acceptance in the entire place. And whether people likes Autism Speaks or not, for one day they were able to help me provide something for my family that was wonderful.
J and Little Iron Man in front of the jellyfish.
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