27. A Month Smashed Together

It has been almost a month since I wrote anything.  I find that unacceptable considering so much of my life centers around autism.

We started our Friendship Club a couple of weeks ago.  It's so nice to have J go to a group for kids with autism while I go to a support group for parents.  It's so hard, but it's so nice to know other parents are going through the same thing I am.  Stormy doesn't really want to go; he thinks he may offend someone because he isn't as rainbows and butterflies about autism as some.  I think he'd be surprised at how many others sit there and say, "Autism makes me insane!  I'm at my breaking point! I just want to take a shortcut home from church without someone questioning my driving!"  Really, I think he is more concerned about potentially offending me.  Because as accepting as he is of autism, he still struggles with many aspects of it.  We all do.  As accepting and understanding as I am, I still have a lot of struggles with autism

I had J's IEP meeting at school.  It went pretty well.  As well as I expected, at least.  I dreaded meetings like this at his old school, but the people here are so much more caring that I don't leave in tears anymore.  About the same time, we got two kittens from the shelter.  It was totally Stormy's idea - at least to get two of them.  They're brothers and in the essence of keeping our house as nerdy as possible, we named them Draco Meowfoy and CT-5555 ("Fives" for short, thank god).

Look how ridiculous they are.  I should get some better pictures of them, but there you have it.  They're actually pretty fun to just watch because they're still kittens so they play and horse around and run around the house like a couple of nuts.  They love when my husband comes home because they use him as their nap time bed.  He gets a lot of kitten love.  I think the kids like them.  Tiny thinks they're animated stuffed animals so I always have to keep an eye on him when the kittens are around.

About three weeks ago, J came home with a permission slip to try out for the Academic Bowl at school.  It was only open for fourth and fifth graders.  I signed it and he went through some rounds of elimination before making it onto the team!  He is very excited.  His first practice is this week, and I have to go at the very end to find out about uniforms, practice schedules, and meet schedules.  As much as that doesn't sound particularly thrilling, I am actually looking forward to see what the Academic Bowl is going to mean for J.  I really hope he does well.

I'm finishing up this entry this morning before the bus comes, and I keep getting distracted because all J is doing is that auditory tic that I love so much.  It's still here and he's now saying, "I can't help it, it's a tic."  I understand that may be a reason for the noise, but it's not an excuse.  We are trying to get him to be more aware of it because it does nothing positive for anyone.  It annoys and frustrates everyone in the house, and also everyone at school.  It is an absolute constant and yet inconsistent enough that it isn't a white noise.  I'm about at my wit's end with the noise.

I feel I have been so overwhelmingly busy.  The baby started a 1's class at the church down the road and he has a blast going there, which has given me a couple of free hours twice a week to work on my own projects.  I'm trying hard to work on projects and hopefully start an etsy shop in order to create some sort of cash flow.  I'd rather do something creative than drive to a job where I am under someone else's rules and schedules, but I also really enjoy being home and being able to keep an eye on the kids.  I like knowing all the different aspects of their day and being there to help with homework or chores, and being there to do fun stuff, whether it's play outside, watch a movie, or just read.  The first seven years of J's life I had to work and I realize how much I ended up missing out on.  I don't want to have to continue to miss out on things, even if it's just one day a week.

Tiny, after stuffed animal day at school.  Hobbes is his favorite.  During nap time or bedtime, all his other stuffed animals get thrown out of the crib, but Hobbes stays inside until it's time to wake up.

26. Tick Tock

It didn't take long to remind me why I hate the school year.  I don't really mind waking up early, because it does help to give a head start on the day.  But getting up at 6:10a every morning only to be angry, annoyed, or stressed by 6:25a isn't really how I want to spend the early minutes of my day.  

J has had trouble sleeping these days so he's usually cranky in the mornings.  It's a battle to get him to sit down for breakfast and then afterwards brush his teeth.  He has plenty of time to get everything done, but each step seems to be a battle.

He goes through tics every few months, where one will go away just to be replaced by something new.  It's always been a physical tic, but now he makes sounds - constant sounds every 5-10 seconds. The sounds slow when he reads, but otherwise he can be sitting at the table eating and in between bites he makes the noise.  We'll be watching television and he'll make the noise.  It is so constant and loud that it is beginning to disrupt everyday life.  It is not something that is easily ignored.

I think I am more annoyed than anyone else in the house by the tic.  Maybe it's because I am around it most, and I feel that since I deal with all these other fun aspects of autism, I don't also want to deal with one that is just a persistent noise.  His therapist understood my frustration and understood why it was disruptive and worked with J to find a technique that would at least lessen the volume of the noise.  Except J doesn't want to work on it.  The kids at school don't comment (according to him) and so he doesn't see a need to stop or change.

This tic seems to have lasted longer than the others - but that's probably because it far more annoying than anything else we've dealt with.  While I write the next couple paragraphs, I'm going to point out every time I hear the tic.

He's always walked on his toes (tic), but now he (tic) also kicks the backs of his own heels as he walks.  I haven't (tic) figured that one out yet, to be honest.  And it (tic) may not be a tic in the traditional sense, but it (tic) is (tic) something new that (tic) has crept up in the last couple months.  It will probably go away as all the other tics do (tic).  When he gets overwhelmed in groups of people, he does stem, but sometimes it will overlap and even when he's home he will continue to do it for a few days (tic) as though (tic) it (tic)(tic)(tic) has turned into a (tic) tic (tic)(tic). (tic) Normally when he's in crowds (tic) he (tic) will (tic) (tic) start to roll his eyes around in his head, as though he is truly struggling to focus on something and instead his eyes are focusing on everything at once.  He only does it in crowds or closed spaces (tic)(tic)(tic)(tic)(tic)(tic) so I do think it's a form of (tic) coping with this, except a few days later, he will still do it until it slowly dissipates.  (tic)(tic)(tic)(tic)

I started writing the above paragraph at 6:50a and stopped at 6:55a.  During this time, J was tying his shoes.

Maybe one day I will learn to ignore the tic.

*snort*

Sorry.  I just realized that I know that won't happen.  I wish I could 100% accepting of all tics and noises and fun aspects of autism, but I can't.  This one drives me crazy.  I keep my cool so well overall, but this tic has taken all enjoyment out of watching a movie together or playing a game.  I want that enjoyment back.  I don't know when I will get it.

But I don't want to end this blog post on a negative note.  So I will end with two pictures of Tiny the baby who started the 1's preschool class at the church up the road!  He has his very own backpack and spends the morning with seven other little 1's, learning shapes and colors.  He had so much fun on his first day of school!  The pictures are from the very first day of school.